lost

In the middle of the ocean sinking so deep
Staring through glassy eyes as the water seeps
Falling so freely the top so far away
I want to go home but know here I must stay
My legs feel like lead these waters I can’t tread
I feel like I am living, but I know I am already dead
The quiet serenity of all I leave behind
For once as the darkness consumes I am finally at peace in my mind

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Habit

Creatures of habit can deal with little change
Just enough before they feel they are going insane
Scheduled days repetition if you must
They have a comfort zone that they can trust
But as we get older we learn new routines
pushing it away till it burst at the seams
New habits to acquire new schedules to adjust
Finding new ways of doing things that can be filled with trust
I am a creature of habit, my world, schedule life wrapped up tight
It started changing like the weather as a bird takes flight
Learning to adjust to new surrounds new routines
Dealing with a new world that is often cruel and mean
Creatures of habit don’t easily change their routine
But this creature has no choice it was stated so it must BE

and there is TWO

For just a while I waited to hear
When another bundle of joy I could hold near
The days felt like weeks the months felt like years
And then I was surprised to know you would be here
I laughed I cried I screamed with joy
What would you be a girl or a boy
As i laid on that table to see the first picture of my sweet
I was more than surprised to find you already had a roomy
I am blessed with two bundles four arms four legs
Two little babies waiting to grow instead
I am even more overjoyed I really can’t wait to meet
My two new loves who are now growing within me

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emotional

I can say a thousand words to you
and all of them be true
no matter what is in my mind
nothing out of my mouth is untrue
i well tell u all that is my heart
for i never want to be apart
but what my mind often concedes
out of my mouth it shall never leave
i have no doubts but concerns a plenty
my mind runs blank but on temporarily
so as i think and try not to you see
not everything i think will come out me
physical pain my thoughts do create
and through it all i lay in wait
so when i seem absent or not here at all
it just my time in mind that roam it’s painful halls

never cross my lips

the thoughts i think stay in my mind
they never form words that will be considered unkind
the feelings in my heart that hurt me to the core
stay hidden there in hopes to feel no more
i have given my all and yet still not good enough
living this life seems to be awfully rough
i came to a point in life where certain things i just would not try
i knew long ago it would end in a way that would just make me cry
so as i sit here thinking and trying to adjust
i can’t stop the one thought that is so wrong and unjust
when we will i be worthy again or will i never be good enough
yes i have been blessed with love and more
i hear on the news about what i dream of people through out the door
found in trash bags or left in the street
these people i loath and hope i never meet
so as it is given and thrown away
what i hope to have to keep to love never stays

refuse to see

the blurry swollen eyes refuse to see
after all the hurt and discrimination you’ve thrown at me
my tattoos and pierced face
my Scarlett red braided hair
don’t fit in your cookie cutter world
you see this misfit mother looking as young as a girl
my sons must be bad since i am a disgrace as a mom
but you have no clue how much closer to the norm
we actually are
i work 9-5 so does my hubby to be
my kids are straight A students with no past history
i bake almost everyday with a hot meal to start
my kids love basketball not so called street art
i went to college and am certified in so many things
i am disgusted with this treatment of me and mine
and i will fight you over and over till the end of time
i will not change how i look to suit your visual needs
just think when you need help will I be the only one to fulfill those needs?

on top of the world

I’m on top of the world
And it don’t mean shit
Don’t look down your nose at me
Your a dumb twit
My smile is outrageous
my personality contagious
I’m feeling quite saucey yet doomed at birth
My world falls apart and i laugh at the sight
For it is now a stepping stone to take flight

So keep bashing and rehashing and do a sneaky peek
Hopefully one day you will have learned a trick from me
So keep your head high and looking down at me

Because today I am a star who’s also an undercover freak!

There comes a time

There always comes the day
You wished, hoped, and prayed
Would never come to this
When you would have to let go of the bliss
Living in hell
We often do dwell
Even when the curse has been raised
We yell out all our praise
We know deep within
The curse will again begin

Trying to make sense of it all
Not wanting to face that final curtain call
But these things cannot be ignored
Cannot be pushed aside to save face
Only now to bow out first with grace
Everything that has been built so well
Like a tower just before it crushed and fell

The feelings that were held so deep
Ones you thought would help you keep
The horror and judgement at bay
The pain and suffering long gone away

We learn it now as we always do
With raw emotions always comes truth

So no more time to stop and think
The time for action has reached it’s brink
We will die for what we have to do
If only love was strong enough to pull us through

my innermost

I open up to you with my most inner thoughts
My feelings are never automatic
Each feeling is real and felt from the deepest of my heart
I fell in love with you so many moons ago
And never has any man been able to fill the hole left in my heart

Broken friendships relationships that have died
I lived and wondered i’d even taken time to just cry
I had no clue what was missing
What could fill this void?
At last I saw a picture of the one that got away
What could i do what should I say?

Through a picture that smile infected me
Still looking at a picture his eyes bore through me
I had to have him my heart still ached for thee
But would it be the same would in person I be weak in the knees

My hear leapt from my chest with that first attempt to speak
His voice in my ear was just to utterly sweet
The hug was tight and emotional the kiss placed light on my cheek
The simple closeness my body began to over heat

Would every touch be this way
Would I crave him each and everyday
They say only time will tell
My imagination created stories and images
That always made me blush

He is my true love the only that brings on this rush
My emotions go on overload my body trembles and i shriek
Just to know sitting beside me is this awesome piece of man meat
I don’t mean to rude, but he touches me on every sense of me
Just a simple glance from him sends me to a galaxy

The first time his hands brushed down my sides
To pull me closer our worlds to collide
I knew the moment i looked at his picture he was the one for me
For even after so much time he still sends me reeling

I never thought i could love on so many levels
I never thought I could feel this ultimately great
But regardless of the time apart it has made this even more
I miss him when he leaves for a moment
I need him in my life

And to think so many years ago i thought
Eh i’m not his type

I can’t

I locked the doors and drew the curtains
So all would think I went away
I sit in my darkness not looking forward to the next day
Everyone around me constantly asks what is wrong?
My answer remains the same
Nothing is every wrong it is always right
I sit as a new born bird waiting to take flight
My life has just begun although I have lived so much life
Waiting anticipating the coming of the sun
Watching it creep at the window’s edge as i fall undone
the darkness hides all secrets keeps the pain at bay
The light of this new horizon brings on a whole new day
stillness in my corner the room seems so big
but in this silent wonder of quiet reverie
i can live to see another day even if the sun never sees me